“The Call” and Memory Lane

Happy 4th of July!

If you didn’t already know this about me, Yosemite is my favorite place on earth, followed by Mammoth, and then Montana de Oro and various other California beaches. But Yosemite holds a very special and preeminent place in my heart. It was there that elements of who I am were crafted, much of my identity was defined, and bonds of cherished brothers in my life were built and I treasure them beyond words.

This last weekend, I responded to “The Call” …. As John Muir famously put it “The mountains are calling and I must go…..” And so, I packed up my truck, grabbed my buddy Dennis, and took a road trip…… Little did we know that nothing would work out as planned, and that I would also take a journey down memory lane.

“The best-laid plans of mice and men often go askew”…. (Robert Burns)…..

So the plan was to pack up and go camping, find a first come first serve campsite, or camp on the side of the road if needed…. Only a couple problems here…..

Dennis and I left late, we both worked several hours longer than expected and thus we arrived in Yosemite after 10 PM on Friday night! Only one first come first serve campsite was open… I don’t mean open for us, I mean all of the normal ones are CLOSED still……. and then Tamarack Flats was completely full! Yosemite has closed many campsites and thus most people are driving into the park each day and then leaving again…. Creating 2 to 3 hour delays getting into the park and at other choke points…. We found that if we are ticketed for staying overnight on the side of the road, the result is a “hefty” fine…. No Thank You! So, our plans were “altered” several times…. But before I go there, I should get back to where Memory Lane starts……..

Our trip took us 925 miles from Chatsworth up I-5 past Bakersfield, Visalia, and Fresno to the 41 and then past Oakhurst, to Yosemite, out the 120 to Mariposa, back into Yosemite, out to Fresno, out the 41 to Paso Robles, to the 1 and Cambria, down to Morro Bay, to Cyucus, Los Osos and Montana de Oro, down to Solvang, and then home….. All in 3 days….. There was a lot of ROAD in this “Road Trip”.

Early on, as we passed Bakersfield, I was taken back to my childhood when my father took a position as a minister in Taft. Don’t worry if you have not heard of it, it is tiny… But if you ever want to know about it, watch a movie called “The best of times” with Robin Williams…. It is a little po-dunk oil town in the middle of nowhere, that I lived in for 2 years in my early childhood that I have a few memories from.

But my journey really started as we passed through Fresno, and I experienced a wild hair desire to go see the High School I graduated from in Fresno. I only lived there 2 years, and only attended McLane for my Senior Year and have not returned to the campus in 30 years. I was confronted with memories long forgotten, and for which I was not prepared for. You see I dont even have a yearbook from my Senior year, which is ironic since I was the yearbook photographer… (I know, shocking!) The reason I don’t have that keepsake is that many years ago, I had a room mate, and this unnamed roommate had a dog, and this wonderful little beast ATE my yearbook! Honest! Ate it……. I wish there was “dog shaming” back then…. THAT would have been epic! So, needless to say, my memories of my senior year are between my ears and have faded….

Well, the flame of memories was lit and I was flooded with memories of times on the Quad at lunch, traveling with the baseball, football, and diving teams as the photographer, and coming out of my shell in a whole new world in a new high school, and being accepted by people in ways that I never expected, nor had really experienced previously. I remember McLane fondly and it helped me grow and change. It is strange, I don’t really know anyone from there anymore, so I dont have anyone to trade stories with about that area of life. Kind of sad. But, this trip did trigger me to lookup a FB group from my graduating class, and who knows, maybe I will connect with someone… then again, maybe not.

After that side trip, we ventured to Oakhurst, where I was hit with memories of Grandpa and Grandma Fish, who loved us like their own grandkids and who always shared the love of the Lord with us. Images of the last time all of the guys were together, which was when we came together for to say goodbye to Grandpa. But also images of sleeping on their floors, being terrified as grandpa drove us to our tail-head for our packing trip.

At this point, my heart is starting to twist and turn and get emotional. And this is just the beginning…..

The main event is just around the corner, but first we pass Tanya Lodge where Nicole and I crashed a couple days several years ago and had a wonderful photography adventure in a cloudless Yosemite, and then I see Redwoods in Yosemite where 6 of us rented a cabin a few years ago during the winter and watch Jeanette see snow for the first time, play word games and watch an epic conversation of “you know, you don’t HAVE to play with him”…. Oh, and then I passed Wawona, where I experienced my most enjoyable golf game ever with John as we went through 12 mulligans in one spot and golfed around deer….

At this point we entered “The Valley” and I was flooded with memories of camping in the valley in places where campsites no longer exist and a bewildering question of how did we get from “earthy” campers and film based SLR cameras when I first visited, to now where we are surrounded by travelers, from all around the world, in high heals, with “selfie stick” mounted phones, jockeying for positions and pushing anyone and everyone out of their way.…….. Our world has changed so much……

Well back to my memory lane and classic Chevy Malibu’s and Chevelle’s (Mark, Glenn, and Lane), Jeeps, triple Toyota trucks, and football games from truck to truck to motorcycle and back. I remember campfire debates, epic badminton tournaments, pizza and beer, BEARS, BEARS, and BEARS, pineapples eaten by said bears. That was just in the valley, there were 12 day backpacking trips, with pain, anguish, laughter, and experiences that forged who I am and a love for the guys I grew up with. There are too many stories from these that I have to stop here. But I am overwhelmed by my minds eye……

So, back to this trip…… and there was no room at the Inn…. or that Inn, or that one or that one. Tanya Lodge, and all of the Oakhurst hotels, motels and dives…. Even the casino outside corsegold was full. CRAZY!!! By now it is midnight……. I will say that this is night #2, for night #1 we did find a room in Mariposa (The 3rd hotel we tried and got lucky). Interestingly, this gave us an unexpected trill of getting the opportunity to take moonlit long exposure pictures with light trails, the milky way, and the valley from highway 140 to Tuolumne Meadows.

So for night #2 we had to go all the way back to Fresno to find a hotel, and in the morning we decided to give up and abandon the crowd infested Valley and head for the coast…. It was crazy how I felt like the old guy as we passed new freeway after new freeway in Fresno and I kept saying, “well, this is new”, “where did this come from”, “what the heck”, “when I lived here…” etc…. Well, we got to Paso Robles and found that to be a nice town with good pizza, and I can see why Dean lives there now. It brings to mind visions of true Americana… A town square, families playing in the park, american flags, and people who say hello as you walk by…..

This is the world we are now told by “smart and learned people” that we should chose to abandon in the name of “progress”. This is the world our cities and tv images have left behind and cast models of fame, money, and selfish fulfillment to aspire to…. This give me the impression it is easier to find a healthy community and values and people who care about their neighbors, country, and family. Ok, I will climb down off my soapbox……. Let’s just say I was touched…..

Well, from here we went to Cambria, where I once had a word and conversation stopping incredible and epic burger with Matt, Jess, and Dennis. (Well, Matt, Dennis and I had burgers…. Jess chose poorly)….. We next went to Montana de Oro, which is where I took my first road trip without my parents and my car broke down on the road, in the middle of nowhere on 46 on the way back and we had to get a ride from “some dude” in a Saab turbo….. Then there was Solvang, where several years ago, 5 of us crashed in a room and famously announced “found it” to the way to turn on the fireplace…. It was the thermostat BTW……

Along the way, I have images of a few trips that I won’t go too deeply into, but just to say, memories that continue to make it hard to breath sometimes……

This trip was like seeing my life pass in front of me. Treasured memories and blessing, missed opportunities and loss, beauty and fear, laughter and pain. I am going to butcher a quote I saw recently and cannot now find……

As you look back, don’t live in your past or with regret. Be thankful for those you lost and the time you were blessed to have them in your life.

I have to admit, I don’t do this easily or well. I find it challenging and difficult to release and surrender to the Lord and trust him. I do “ok” at times, but as I travel “Memory Lane” at times, I struggle with regret and loss for those that are no longer in my life. Places where life has “happened” beyond my control, where I have made wrong turns, and where I think of missed opportunities or my failures. I know I am not alone or special in this experience, but it sure does feel as you are alone when experiencing it. I expect you can relate also.

To top it all off, and bring things into focus, on Sunday, I learned that someone whom I worked with, for many years, passed away leaving his wife and twin 5 year old children. This is someone younger than me! It is sobering, scary, and sad! My heart breaks for the pain his wife is experiencing and for his children. This reminds me how short and precious life is and that I need to take a look at my priorities. It a stark reminder how much we need all Christ!

Add to that, last night, a friend called who has gone through a couple miscarriages lately and how her heart struggles with that. How it is an emotional roller coaster and how she aches to be a mother……… I can relate in the sense that I had the hope for a family also and that has not yet been a part of the Lord’s plan for me.

I am very fortunate, and so are so many of us. We each have areas where we have seen our dreams com true, and others where they have not. And I have to acknowledge that those areas hurt, and temps me to ask “where are you God”, but I have to keep reminding myself of how much the Lord loves me and how fortunate I am and that I need to focus on the blessings He has placed in my in my life and not what He has not! I need to trust His love for me and His plan for my life…..

Sadly, I suck at this and need to put my head down and acknowledge my weakness. I must ask for His help and hand Him my life and I need to get out of the drivers seat and let go to Him….

Well, that has been my recent journey down memory lane and it is a journey that reminds me of my need for my Lord and Savior. Lord please forgive me, and I echo the father in Mark 9:24 “I do believe; help my unbelief”

I am grateful for such great memories and wonderful people in my life. Thank you all for being a part of my journey to this point!

Happy 4th of July! Now lets see how many edits I have to do this over the next few days to correct typos!!!!

~B